Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
