I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
