Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
