I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
