my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
