she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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