a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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