so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
