The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
