It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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