You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
