if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
