I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
