Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
