just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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