If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
