She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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