Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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