I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
