if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
