You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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