I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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