Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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