I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
