I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
