using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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