Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
