K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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