my vag is so smooth its legendary
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
