just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
