Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
