GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
