When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
