Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
