im six kinds of drunk right now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
