grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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