I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
