My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She is in my trunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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