i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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