can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
