and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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