I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
