Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
whose parrot is this?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
