if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
