So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
