At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
