Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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