Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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