I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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