oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
